i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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