just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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