Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
