In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
