The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
