the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
