what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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