He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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