She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
