At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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