Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
