You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
