I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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