i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
