Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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