alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
