If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
