Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
