Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
