i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
