Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
