i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's paint friendship bongs
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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