3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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