So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize