Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
MIDGETS
????
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
