How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
