and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
