Sponge bath it is.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
