dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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