My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
