The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
