Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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