i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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