we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize