Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
