wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
