Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
