It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
