I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
