I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
