I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
