I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
