the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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