She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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