who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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