My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
