peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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