Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize