i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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