I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
