Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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