Where did you get a picture of my penis
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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