i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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