who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
