the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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