I'm passing your future prison.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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