oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
