a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
