coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
